Give to Others: Why Generosity Is More Foundational Than We Think

I recently came across a piece of research that stopped me in my tracks. According to data summarized by Grey Matter Research in their analysis of the average American donor, Americans overestimate what they give to charity by 277 percent. 

Let that sink in for a moment. 

This is not a commentary about people being dishonest or selfish. I actually think it points to something far more human and far more interesting. Most of us believe we are generous. We feel generous. And yet, when generosity is measured against actual dollars and actual behavior, there is a meaningful gap between perception and reality. 

That gap is exactly why giving sits as the seventh pillar of financial security in the Plan Wisely framework. 

Not because giving is easy. Not because everyone does it well. But because it is deeply formative. It shapes how we view money, ourselves, and our responsibility to others. 

This article is not meant to judge, shame, or prescribe a specific percentage. Instead, my hope is that it invites honest reflection. If you read this and feel a little uncomfortable, that might actually be the point. 

Why We Think We Give More Than We Do 

When researchers say Americans overestimate their giving by nearly three times, they are not saying people are intentionally misleading surveyors. They are highlighting a psychological reality. 

Giving is episodic. It is emotional. It is often reactive. 

We remember the moments that felt meaningful: 

• The year-end donation 

• The GoFundMe we supported 

• The check written after a moving story 

• The spontaneous act of generosity toward someone in need 

Those moments loom large in our memory, even if they represent a relatively small percentage of our overall income. 

At the same time, our spending on ourselves is constant and normalized. Subscriptions, upgrades, conveniences, travel, entertainment, and lifestyle creep tend to fade into the background. They feel necessary. They feel deserved. They rarely feel indulgent. 

So when asked, “Are you a generous person?” most of us instinctively answer yes. Feeling generous is not the same as living generously. 

The data suggests we may be answering a different question than the one being asked. 

Giving as a Pillar, Not a Leftover 

In the Plan Wisely framework, giving is not an afterthought. It is not what happens if there is something left over at the end of the month or the end of the year. 

Giving is foundational because it forces us to confront a deeper question: 

What is money actually for? 

If money exists only to maximize comfort, status, and optionality, then generosity will always feel like a sacrifice. Something we do occasionally. Something we justify when it fits. Something we postpone until a future version of ourselves is “more able.” 

But if money is a tool entrusted to us for stewardship and provision, giving becomes a feature, not a bug. 

It becomes a declaration that: 

• We are not the center of the financial universe 

• Our security does not come solely from accumulation 

• Our wellbeing is tied to the wellbeing of others 

This is why giving is a pillar of financial security, not a threat to it. Giving is not a threat to financial security. In many ways, it’s the discipline that strengthens it. 

The C.S. Lewis Gut Check 

C.S. Lewis had a remarkable ability to say uncomfortable truths with clarity and grace. In Mere Christianity, he offered a test for generosity that has challenged me for years. 

He wrote: 

“If our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc. is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little.” 

He went on to say: 

“If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small.” 

That word pinch is doing a lot of work. 

Lewis is not arguing for misery or asceticism. He is pointing out that generosity, by definition, involves trade-offs. If our giving never forces a trade-off, it’s often just giving from excess, not intention. 

That distinction matters. If our giving never requires a trade-off, it’s fair to ask whether it’s really giving at all. 

Why This Is Not About Guilt 

Whenever giving is discussed, especially in the context of faith or values, guilt is never far behind. That is not my aim here. 

Guilt-based giving tends to be: 

• Short-lived 

• Reactive 

• Inconsistent 

• Resentful 

It also rarely produces joy. 

Thoughtful, intentional giving looks very different. It is planned. It is aligned with values. It is revisited regularly. And yes, it sometimes feels uncomfortable, but it is not rooted in shame. 

The question is not: 

“Am I giving enough compared to others?” 

The better question is: 

“Does my giving reflect what I say matters most to me?” 

The Research on Giving and Happiness 

One of the most fascinating aspects of generosity is how consistently it shows up in happiness research. This is not fringe research either. Behavioral economists, psychologists, and organizations like the Effective Altruism movement have repeatedly examined the link between pro-social giving and wellbeing. 

Across multiple studies and cultures, the same conclusion keeps emerging: people who engage in pro-social giving report higher levels of life satisfaction than those who simply earn or accumulate more money. Studies referenced by organizations like the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley and researchers cited within the Effective Altruism community consistently reinforce this idea. 

In other words, happiness does not scale linearly with income, but it does seem to scale with generosity. 

This holds true even when controlling for income level. People who give, even modestly, tend to report: 

• Greater sense of purpose 

• Stronger social connection 

• Higher overall life satisfaction 

• Lower levels of stress around money 

This is not accidental. Humans are wired for connection and contribution. When money is used exclusively for self, it often amplifies anxiety. When money is used to bless others, it tends to reinforce meaning. When money is used only to serve ourselves, it often increases anxiety. When it’s used to serve others, it tends to create meaning. 

Giving Changes Our Relationship With Money 

One of the most underappreciated benefits of giving is how it reshapes our internal narrative about money. 

Giving reminds us that: 

• We have enough to share 

• We are not as fragile as we fear 

• Our identity is not dependent on consumption 

It also introduces a healthy tension into financial decision-making. When giving is planned and prioritized, every dollar has competition. That competition forces clarity. 

Clarity is one of the most powerful tools in financial planning. 

Who Are We Giving To? 

Giving is not limited to large institutions or formal charities. While ministries and nonprofits play a critical role, generosity can and should be broader. 

It may include: 

• Faith-based organizations doing long-term, relational work 

• Local nonprofits meeting immediate community needs 

• Missionaries or ministries you know personally 

• Individuals facing temporary hardship 

• Quiet, unpublicized acts of kindness 

The goal is not to optimize visibility. The goal is to participate. 

A Personal Reflection 

I am still wrestling with the 277 percent number. The gap between how generous we think we are and how we actually give is not a failure. It’s an invitation to pay closer attention. 

Not because it makes me feel defensive, but because it makes me curious. Where might I be overestimating? Where might generosity feel bigger in my mind than it is in practice? Where might comfort be crowding out contribution? 

These are not questions with one-time answers. They deserve to be revisited as income changes, seasons shift, and awareness grows. 

An Invitation, Not a Prescription 

If you take nothing else from this, take this: 

Giving is not primarily about the recipient. Giving changes us. 

It changes how we hold money. It changes how tightly we cling to comfort. It changes how seriously we take our responsibility to others. 

So here is the invitation. 

Reflect honestly on your giving. 

Not compared to your neighbor. 

Not compared to an abstract standard. 

But compared to your values. 

Does your generosity pinch, even a little? 

Does it require intention? 

Does it reflect what you say matters most? 

If the answer is no, that realization isn’t meant to discourage us. It’s meant to make us curious. 

And if the answer is yes, keep going. 

Giving, after all, is not a box to check. It is a practice. And like most practices worth keeping, it shapes us far more than we expect.